I'm Fine
In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning
Clyde. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident,
'I'm fine,'" asked the lawyer. Clyde responded, "Well,
I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite
mule, Bessie, into the..." "I didn't ask for any
details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer
the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident,
'I'm fine?' "Clyde said, "Well, I had just got
Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road.
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am
trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident,
this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he
was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he
is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please
tell him to simply answer the question." By this time,
the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said
to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say
about his favorite mule, Bessie. "Clyde thanked the
Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had just
loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was
driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and
trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in
the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown
into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want
to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning.
I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly
after the accident, a Highway Patrolman came on the scene.
He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over
to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and
shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across
the road, gun in hand, looked at me, and said, How are you
feeling?" "Now what would you have said?"
A little humor from the mouths of children!
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat.
She asked
him if it was dead or alive. "Dead." She was informed.
"How do you know?" she asked her pupil. "Because
I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the
child innocently. "You did WHAT?!?" the teacher
exclaimed in surprise. "You know," explained the
boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and
it didn't move."
A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes
later...."Da-ad....
""What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to
spank you!!"
Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
"WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink
of water?"
An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into
mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to
get into Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said,
"Well, I'll run in and out and in
and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says,
'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother
was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off
the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy,
will you sleep with me tonight?"The mother smiled and
gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she
said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long
silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The
big sissy."
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story
of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of
the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer.
She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the
farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what
do you think that farmer said?" One little girl raised
her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Cow! A talking
chicken!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the
next 10 minutes
